scrabbled by james at 8:46 PM  
hellooo, there world. the punctuation's all wrong. I'm not going to change it though, I'll teach it a lesson. and it continued through there. darn commas, keep messing thing up.

soooo anyways, been making plans for new years over the past few days. first time doing something in ages. can't remember my last intersting new years. maybe there hasn't been one yet. hrm.
so right now, it looks like I'm meeting up with a bunch of my friends downtown. should be good. good things are good. yay good things!

I am currently without my laptop. it is, as we say, in the shop. and it is. but it's a good "in the shop", not a bad "in the shop". I'm getting more ram installed in it! yay ram! 32mb just is not enough today. I'm getting another 64mb installed. which will either give me 96mb or 80mb; I'm not sure how the 32mb is set up at the moment. it might be one chip; it might be two 16mb chips. if the latter, then one is being replaced. either way, it's a good amount more ram. I would have liked to be able to get the whole 128mb available to my computer, but, alas, it cannot be. ah well.

and since I'm currently without my laptop, I can't update my site until I get it back, as everything's on it. so.

and it is currently post-christmas. haven't written an official "christmas entry" here. so here goes:

for christmas I got a pineapple.

scrabbled by james at 9:07 PM  
okay, I just set up the internet to work with my laptop here, so I'm currently on a slower, but more familiar computer (not that the other computer was very unfamiliar). the primary reason for this is that all my stuff is on this computer, and not the other. so from here I can use all my bookmarks and rearrange anything I like and whatever. from here I can also update my website, because I have an ftp program on this computer, but not on the other. I'm aware that I could very easily download another, but I didn't feel like it. besides, then I'd have to transfer everything off of this copmuter (copmuter? computer.) onto the other and whatnot. it's just too much of a nuisance, really.

so anyway, the point is, I just updated my website, if anyone cares. hopefully someone does. so there's some new pictures up, but you have to find them, and some half-finished stuff hiding in there somewhere.

yeah, I don't know. I had all this crap going on here in this computer and I just said, 'ya know what? let's get it out there, so I know what's what.' so now I know what's what. and I need to fix up some stuff there and that means I need to get around to it.

so anyway, enjoy the updates, if you can find them. wheeee!



and nonsense.

scrabbled by james at 12:38 AM  
yeah. so as I said, I'm sitting here at my computer. I have no christmas shopping done. I was going to get my friend nick to drive me over with him to the mall that he works in so I could do mine tomorrow, but he's working from 2:30 to 11:30, and I'd need to get him to drive me back as well, and I don't want to spend nine freakin hours in this little mall. so I guess I'll have to do mine on sunday, perhaps, or head on down to downtown. by downtown, I do not refer to the downtown of my town, as the downtown of my town is one crappy street with a handful of crappy stores. my town's great. everyone looks like they will never leave this town. and I mean EVERYONE LOOKS AS THOUGH THEY WILL NEVER LEAVE THIS TOWN. THEY WILL ALL MARRY THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SWEETHEARTS AND LIVE IN ONE OF THE CLONE HOUSES BEING BUILT IN THE NEW HOUSING DEVELOPMENT AND DIE HERE, OR THEY WILL ABUSE SEX AND DRUGS TOO MUCH AND RUIN THEIR LIVES AND DIE HERE. (note: I'm not bitching about sex and drugs; I'm bitching about a lifestyle. so if you like sex and drugs, I don't care. but if sex and drugs consumes the majority of your life, you're wasting it.) it's pretty sad. apparently, cocaine has become rather popular. this town has about thirty thousand people in it.

so by downtown I mean toronto. not this town.



my town is such a horrible little town. everyone has the same ugly look brought on by the same ugly life and the same horrible ways they waste their time. because the only way for a person to spend their time here is to waste it.
I am so completely alone in this town; I'm completely different from everyone else in this town. and that's why I can't stay in this town.

... that was a little off topic.
alright, I'll let you know what brought that on. yesterday, as I said, I ran into tash. also with her was mike, another guy I now. we hung around for a while, and after a while, we headed over to my old school. walked around there for a while. and god all the people are so horrible. everyone does drugs, everyone has sex, and everyone bitches about everyone else, ESPECIALLY their "friends," and that is the entirety of their lives. you get an awfully ugly expression on your face when that becomes your life. it becomes pretty visible in your appearance. you can look around and the girls' faces all say 'slut' and 'use me' on them. and the guys faces all say that they oblige and smoke too much weed, among other things. everyone looks so burnt out and filthy. and I appear to be the only one who is immune. primarily because I have so few friends here, I think. and I don't try to have friends here. the people just really aren't worth it.


so.

so as I was saying, I still need to do christmas shopping.

scrabbled by james at 12:12 AM  
okay, now that was an inane post.

scrabbled by james at 12:12 AM  
hello out there.

here I am sitting at my computer.






thought you'd like to know.

scrabbled by james at 9:47 PM  
yeah, it didn't work. it was supposed to be really big.
guess the joke's on me, then.
ha.

scrabbled by james at 9:46 PM  
wow... I feel so special
hadn't checked my email in a couple of days and I return to find all sorts of actual real messages to me from people. I've now had communications with the majority of my friends over the past few days. gotten mail from stephen, bryanna, and sarina, and ran into tash today by pure chance. hadn't seen her in a while, as always. and chad from devoted bee visited my site; apparently he finds it amusing and sent some other people to visit it... I feel toooooo cool now.

I am such a geek.

I don't know. I feel special now because people appreciate me. or some bullshit like that. eh. incoherence. let me know when there's some logic to my word selection, or sense to my sentences. garble-fitz. abjt. abjt abjt ABJT!

... and, just for you, djordje:

ABJT!

....if that worked. font tags have a habit of not working for me.

scrabbled by james at 12:49 AM  
ERRRRG blogger keeps screwing up for me in netscape
I just tried to post twice and each time it ate my post
and on my laptop it keeps killing netscape
grrrr......

Well, as for those two posts, the primary sentiment was that I'm home now. Blogger screwing up is irritatingme too much to put much more any more.
grr.

scrabbled by james at 6:02 PM  
huh, something's happened that hasn't since I've been here...

it actually snowed.

and me without any film in my camera. now no one will believe me.

scrabbled by james at 5:04 PM  
finished everything, finally. now I just need to arrange about going home...

I've had one hour of sleep since yesterday, between 7:30 - 8:30 this morning, tho it was more half-sleep than anything...
and right now I'm here all by myself. djordje is downtown, and, as I said before, everyone else has gone home.... in an odd mood. somewhat ambient electronic music playing for me, and I was going to write something else but now I don't feel like it. so.
and now what? I feel like being with someone right now, but I'm not going to say who. exaggeration by the fact I'm all by myself for a while? not entirely. I wonder when anyone's going to try and contact me. everyone's got my info but I have none of theirs, really... ah well. I say 'ah well' but I mean 'sigh...' and I can't really do anything about it.... I have a social life now and I want to maintain it, but everyone's not here where I am right now, so I can't at the moment. I want to do so much more than I can at the moment. I want to write things I want to draw I want to make music I dont want to have to do anything or occupy time doing these things.


adjt.

scrabbled by james at 4:07 AM  
it's four in the morning, it's four in the morning, and I'm trying to work on a stupid essay that was due a few days ago.... golly gee whiz, it'd be good to be finished.

I'm Going To Be Up For Way Too Long. And I'm Going To Be Continually Distracted By Things Such As The Internet And Music And People Like Djordje Who Is Also Working On Things That Are Due Later Today. And The Fact That I'm Getting Somewhat Tired In My Head Isn't Going To Help, Though It's Not Kicking In Too Much Right Now, But Just You Wait.

Arg.
adjt. adjt I say.

scrabbled by james at 1:46 AM  
yeah, I just published in IE, now I'm writing in Netscape. It's so much nicer to my eyes. It scrolls better, for one. IE moves way too fast that it's just unfriendly. It makes me want to smack the stupid program.

sigh.

.... I suppose I'll leave that for now, then...

scrabbled by james at 1:44 AM  
gah. I've just been comparing my blog and my website in both netscape and IE, and GOD do I hate IE. everything is so much uglier in it, due to there being all sorts of useless features in IE that aren't in netscape 4.78, my version, so I hadn't taken them into account on the blog (stupid template things... grr), and then it fucks around with the fonts and screws up my tables and generally doesn't show anything how I want. I despise the fact that IE loads the words, then rearranges them for the placement of pictures. that is a feature that makes me want to kill. stab stab, I-E DI-E! hahahaI'msoooooooclever. yesh. soooo... yeah.

yeah. I'm writing this post in IE right now, actually, because I felt like continuing the exploration. It has freaking stupid cheap buttons in here to make things links or bold or italic, as if html was difficult to learn. Netscape has a spell check button; that's it. and I'm glad for that. I'm glad I don't have to put up with looking at these ugly little buttons all the time. soooooooooo.... yeah.

that's my rant against the evil megacorporate browser. not that I hate it because it's a megacorporate browser; I just think it's pretty terrible and ugly. ech.

scrabbled by james at 5:28 PM  
yeah. the world is great; the world is fun, and I don't know what else I'm saying.

scrabbled by james at 5:22 PM  
well now. pretty much everybody's gone now. stephen left on the weekend, roxanne left yesterady, sarina left this morning, and bryanna left within the past hour. and pretty much everybody else is a commuter and is finished their exams and everything, so they're essentially gone as well. I still don't know when I'm leaving. I have to finish my fucking work. I have to work on my fucking work.

ugh.

ugh ugh ugh. I don't want to have to work on stuff. I just want to relax and sit around and do nothing. I don't know. or hang around with friends. but they're all gone away. it' pretty much now just me an' djordje. and my fucking work that I don't want to do.

gave a bunch of people contact information before they left; hopefully I can keep in contact with people in some way. I need contact now; I've gotten used to a social life. I don't know. I feel weaker now than I used to, dependent on others more. I don't know. I'm putting myself into a not-very-good mood right now by extrapolating myself into an exaggerated circumstance. and I'm listening to beautiful downer music. so broken, this mess we're in, the passenger, early cure, et cetera.

when you're alone and life is making you lonely you can always go downtown... tho I don't have time. I have no time to do anything but I'm wasting time anyway. a song I wrote for a class. one minute, but gorgeous, I feel. I'm being stupid and opening icq. if anyone's on it'll distract me even more and ruin everything more. god. why am I doing this right now?

... no one's on. that doesn't mean I'm thankful. I want to do something with this song. I want people to hear it; I think it's very good. maybe I'll get a webspace with more space and put tiny little songs and things on it. stephen said he might try and get his own server; maybe I can get some space from him or something. I despise sites with gaudy ads all over them, but I don't really want to have to pay for a site. not right now, anyway. I feel like I'm in some sort of inclosed shell, or something. and I feel like I'm doing this how I used to do my paper copies.
I feel like listening to my own music and being in my own world. And I could see out of the corner of my eye the darkness outside, and then I looked, and it didn't help me. I need to work on these stupid things. ugh ugh ugh.


I need to go back to living in a fantasy-land where I can just go out wandering around with people, excursions with stephen and bryanna taking pictures coming to my head. bryanna's camera takes such gorgeous photos; I so wish I had a good camera.
I wish I could go on in my fantasy-land. From my white page:

I feel like I want a different world which I cannot possibly name or place... it's just different. Or maybe I'm different. As if from a movie (shot of me sitting in grass at a trainyard with a bunch of friends from behind. Camera tracks in from left to around right side. Cut to next shot as slightly more than profile visible, all the while talking, but I can't hear any of the words... All this in brown tones).

This is my world I desire. I want to be there.

I want to be there right now.

scrabbled by james at 8:39 PM  
gee, I haven't updated this in a while...

hm.

guess what, world? yeah, I know, no one reads this, blah blah blah... but anyways, I now have my own website--- (for all the imaginary people who care, it's at http://www.students.yorku.ca/~james_m/ghost/index.html.... excitingness.)

yeah.


ummm... I guess that's about all I feel like saying right now. hm.

scrabbled by james at 3:41 PM  
today is an off day.

my entire plan for today has been thrown off. I missed my class today (again), and I can't get into the freakin' studio in order to sign out a DV camera for one of my other classes, so I can't go shoot my footage for my assignment tonight like I had planned. upset me very much, as I don't know if I'm going to have any time to do this blasted thing. I'm running out of time for everything.

found a photo today. bizarre and run over and stepped on by people. I think it's from a construction site, but I can't really tell. also got back some photos of mine today. abstract photography and double exposures. listening to pj harvey. ... these are the better things that have happened today.

the contrast is what makes this an off day, and not a bad day. but now what?

scrabbled by james at 8:56 PM  
cola song:

No one likes to talk politics
No one likes to be wrong
everyone likes to have an opinion
no one likes to have an opinion

I need to get some liquid in me thirst sleep tired liquid

         quiet.

         quiet.

peace-full-ee-amity with a sort of flight of song

and always
   and always
       and always goes on

on&on&on&on&on&on&on&on&on&on&on&on
and on.

can you feel it too?
can you feel it too?

and I need to get more liquid inside me I need to get
        more liquid in side me

and the birds still sing and the birds still sing
        on closed circuit cameras
                     the birds still sing.


poot-teweet?

(and I need an acoustic guitar. a twelve-string acoustic guitar. I need an acoustic guitar. a twelve string
acoustic guitar. and I can be happy.)

(smiling, and I see a flower on my desktop.)

(and I need to ingest a whole case of cola.)

------
thank you.

scrabbled by james at 7:41 PM  
the last post fucked up something special earlier. got it fixed now, I think.

just finished dinner. wendy's, because nothing else really was available. I despise wendy's. the food is horrible and overpriced, and the people working there are completely incompetent and idiotic. I asked for some vinegar for my fries, the moron only gives me one package. What kind of idiot gives you only one package of a condiment when you ask for it? And when is only one package enough? I ask for more, he gives me one more package, repeating the same idiotic behaviour. I had to ask for another, he gives me one more, and a comment like, "if you want more than one, ask for more than one." Why doesn't he just give more than one? It's not like condiments are expensive, or that the amount used in a day should matter to him. Just an incompetent asshole.
I hate wendy's. ick.

went and saw pigface last night. they played with gravity kills and godhead, both of whom I wasn't really too interested in seeing. Pigface was great though. It started with this guy making a few noises in front of some screens with a tube with rice (I'm assuming) in it, a bowl with water, a bell, and some chimes of some sort. He hit the side of the bell and the bowl with something, and then ran it along its rim, causing it to ring out like a sort of feedback tone, and it was sooo cool. then Chris Connelly came out and played some stuff on an acoustic guitar, and it was very sixties hippy-ish. the lights dimmed, and electronic noises started, and then we got into pigface. It was such a good show. The vibe was so good it was so enjoyable. there was about nine people on stage most of the time, and you could tell they were enjoying it. Meg Lee Chin had a huge smile on her face throughout the majority of the performance, and it was a very intimate space, making it feel like we could be a part of the show, which the band was encouraging. I enjoyed it verily.

Went to the show with Tash, Cornell, and Lisa. Hadn't seen the latter two in quite a while, though the main reason I went was to see Tash, actually. She picked up my cure CD for me, so I feel special now. Haven't really listened to it too much yet. listened to the first disc in the background, but I haven't focused on the two new songs or listened to the acoustic versions yet. I was glad to get this. yay me! It was good to see Tash again; it's always good to see Tash again. I don't see her nearly as much anymore. hm. we met up shortly before and they all left before I did, so we didn't really get too much of a chance to talk though. they missed out on seeing the topless dancer, who I think was culled from the audience with her friends, and about a half-an-hour encore. Suck was played during this, which was a big hit, with practically everyione singing along. It is a good song, though. They played Supernaut as well, which was pretty cool. I don't know if anyone at the show was involved with the 1000 Homo DJ's project; Connelly or Atkins might have been, but I'm assuming that's where the idea to play it came from. good show. got back around three and found Bryanna, Sarina, and Roxanne watching Blow, so I watched what was left of that and ended up going to bed around 4:30-ish.

I should probably sleep more reasonably. eh.

and this feels like I've been rambling and it isn't going to reach any sort of conclusion. So I might as well stop.

scrabbled by james at 4:24 PM  
Results from Time Wasting Tests:
(note that these results are not necessarily representative of me, but are really just time-wasting tests....)
(not that that was necessary to put here)

I am 48% Metal-Head.

Most other metal-heads acknowledge my presence, but they laugh at me behind my back. Maybe I need to stop spending all that money on haircuts and invest in a few Pantera T-shirts.
Take the Metal-Head Test at Fuali.com!

I am 28% Raver.

Well, I have been to a rave. I probably know a bunch of ravers, but they may think of me as an outsider. That's okay, at least I am not a complete freak.
Take the RAVER Test at Fuali.com!

I am 53% Grunge.

I am pretty dirty, all right and, I reek of teen spirit... I would sell my own children for a moldy hotpocket, man.
Take the Grunge Test at Fuali.com!

I am 44% EMO.

Not quite EmoHmm.. i suggest I stopped listening to Dashboard Confessional.... enough said... Now that I stopped looking at my shoes, I know how the real world looks.
Take the EMO Test at Fuali.com!

I AM 56% GOTH.

Oh My Goth! You Goth, Girl. There is a good chance I am bi. Freakiness pumps through my viens, but I can still laugh at myself.
Take the GOTH Test at Fuali.com!

I AM 59% GEEK.

Nerd, Freak, Geek, Dweeb. Sound familiar? That's okay, cause I will be the richest person at my 15th year high-school reunion. If a "con" isn't happening that weekend.
Take the GEEK Test at Fuali.com!

I AM 17% PUNK.

It's not a fashion craze, or even a cool thing to do. I should just swallow it, get Lost, and take my friends with me.

Take the PUNK/POSER Test at Fuali.com!


this is special. I am apparently "so cool."

scrabbled by james at 9:46 PM  
okay, I've noticed that my little sayings have died with the republishing of my blog's archives. so, as a service to you all, I will list them here as best as I remember them:

August: it's my own little pet name for myself. yeah, I'm special. (or something similar, can't remember exactly.)
September: I'm fickle and have changed this description three or four times over the two days I've had this. (this one stayed up, so I know it's right.)
October: ...and then she's gone (she's gone). oh those crazy cbc programs! (again, or something similar.)
November: (hey, that's now!)making it my duty to change this evry month...

yesh.... I am special.

scrabbled by james at 9:35 PM  
just stuck the archives back up; all but november were missing...

and checking on my meter, I see that someone else visited. I feel so loved now.

yes, that's right; I am a complete geek and looooooooooser. 'looser?' no, it only has one 'o', dammit! 'loser', not 'looser'! geez!

yes, that was pointless.

been fiddling with reason and paint and such over the past few days, making weird noises and pictures and such. headed over to adobe earlier to see about possibly getting some spiffy art programs from there, and got myself a trial version of photoshop and a beta of atmosphere. it's a little intensive for my computer right now, so I probably won't be trying to figure out what it is until I get myself some more ram, which I plan on doing at some point in the foreseeable future. I need my blasted ram.
was looking around on the cure's page and am eagerly looking forward to trying to get the extra-disc version of the greatest hits, coming out tomorrow. Tash is going to pick up a copy for me when she gets hers, so ideally she'll be able to. I have faith in her, though. She's obsessive sometimes, and will let nothing stop her from getting a limited cure thing. she's got all sorts of neat ones, such as the standing on a beach tape with b-sides and the boys don't cry record with 'world war' and such. so. I look forwards to acquiring this cd.

ideally I'll be going to sleep earlier tonight so that I can get up before my class tomorrow. I would like to not miss it two weeks in a row. It would be a good thing if I knew what we were doing in it. so.

and I don't know. just sputtering out mindlessness right now. so.

mindlessnessessmesslesssesstessgestjestfesthestmestnestnesseseess.

and some gibberish for good measure.

scrabbled by james at 10:31 PM  
okay, let's see... I just added a little meter onto this page so I can see if anyone else ever visits...
yee hah I'm cool.

scrabbled by james at 2:30 AM  
ev'ry one went to sleep on me.

well, not ev'ry one. some people are down in the pubs. but I left them for a while with people, and when people went to sleep, I went back to visit Those Who Stayed Behind, and felt out of place as ev'ryone was now rather drunk and I didn't have any continuity to make it more appealing to be around.
so.

and I am sitting in my room listening to radiohead. and I feel like I want something but I don't know what (not that old refrain!). I'm always in a search for an intangible something, ethereal and intransient. I wish I knew what I wanted and I wish I could find it.

I've missed a week of class now; I haven't been to one since last Thursday. I should make sure I get to mine tomorrow. I still haven't seen waking life; I would like to see it. I'd like to see mulholland drive as well. David Lynch is one of my favorite directors, easily. Bryan is borrowing my copy of Eraserhead at the moment.

... maybe more in a bit. I'm currently encompassed in a game for the latter of the two linked movies.

scrabbled by james at 3:48 AM  
okay, now at least one other person knows of this site and plans to visit it at least once, I think. Stephen came in while I was working on it earlier and wanted the address so he could read my silly little mind, so I gave it to him.

isn't that special.

and I should sleep, probably.

scrabbled by james at 6:48 PM  
was walking around earlier and heard Mack the Knife coming from a store, Ella Fitzgerald version. Made me happy; everything's got weird connections sometimes.

I'm perpetually tired with sleepiness. sleeeeeeeep. must needs to with tiredness. logical sentencingness with words of letters.

Listening to throbbing gristle at the moment. It's pretty special with weird noisesness and silliness. and other stuff.

....
...a n d m y s l e e p i n e s s i s m a k i n g i t d i f f i c u l t t o t h i n k o f w h a t t o w r i t e . i w o u l d l i k e t o g o t o s l e e p b u t n o t r e a l l y a t t h e s a m e t i m e s o i ' m m a k i n g i t d i f f i c u l t f o r m y s e l f a n y w a y . a n d i d o n ' t k n o w i f t h a t s e n t e n c e m a d e a n y s e n s e .

and that's a bit difficult to look at.
hrm.

scrabbled by james at 6:20 PM  
I love the song Mack the Knife. It's just such a cool song. I have about ten different versions of it right now. It's fun and crazy and mackie's got a jack-knife and the shark's got big sharp white teeth but macheath can keep the blood off better.

Kurt Weill is pretty cool. I should hear some more of his stuff than the few songs I've heard. He has a very unique style and I like it.

I slept pretty much the better part of the day today. I was up until after 4 in the morning the past two nights, but I don't blame that. I blame my general lack of sleep overall, combined with a lack of incentive to get up for my not-so-interesting class today. This is just the first time I've missed a class, so I don't feel too bad or anything. I really should do more of my readings, though. Eh.
sigh.

I need to focus more, but this is the first time I've had a social life and so now I don't seem to balance them very well. But I don't know. I don't think knowledge is going to keep me back from how it is right now. Even when I'm not engaged socially, it still doesn't mean that I'm working. So. yeah.
I probably would work better if I didn't always feel tired in some part of my brain.
Eh.
What do you do? I'm contemplating food, actually. It's around six-ish so it'd probably be a good idea to have dinner at some point soon. I don't know what I would like though. Hm. I should clean out my room and wash my dishes and such, but see above for homework excuse. combine with fact I can just buy food on campus instead of making it myself. I would like to sleeeeeeeeep. But not really.

There's a free pancake breakfast in one of the floor don's rooms tomorrow. I don't want to sleep through that. I like pancakes. mmm. pancakes. i haven't had a hot breakfast since I made a mangled attempt at french toast last week (? I don't really remember... was it that recently? anyway, for a decent hot breakfast it's been probably over a month or so...). I would like to have hot breakfasts more often. Hot breakfasts are yummy things that I enjoy.

I need more sleep. At some point some of my friends and I are planning on trying to see how long we can stay up straight and document ourselves going insane. It should be fun. Whee!

hungry and tired and not wanting to work on anything or really do too much otherwise. things. stuff. and such.


monkeys?

scrabbled by james at 10:48 PM  
oh yeah, another thing: everything has to be taken in context. you can't just take something from fifty years ago and say that it still represents our society today unequivocally; most likely, it didn't even then. You can't even do that from five years ago. times change; but the past stays how it was until someone decides to use it for themselves.
sigh.

scrabbled by james at 10:42 PM  
hrfffff.....

I'm trying to work on a webpage for a project right now, but I've distracted myself. It's a bit of a nuisance.
One of the things I distracted myself with was the blog of this one guy called vast right-wing conspiracy. needless to say, I was rather irritated. judging by the writing and the referencing, the guy's probably pretty intelligent. However, I cannot agree with him in any way shape or form because I'm set so far away from his principles. They're so fucking close-minded and didactic and irritating, for fuck's sake. Essentially, Liberalism is wrong; everything is set in stone; there is One True God and Jesus is his Son, and that's that; and if you don't agree with any of this then you're a bad person. I cannot tolerate fucking hardline black-and-white viewpoints that don't allow for people to be their own person. And that's what this guy's all about. It's fucking irritating.

I'm a capitalist. I'm also left-leaning. A socialist friend of mine once asked me how I could be both left-wing and capitalist; it's really rather simple. For one, Capitalism is not a bad thing. Capitalism is not necessarily a right-wing thing either. The primary idea behind capitalism is essentially the right to self-determination, and the right to be rewarded for your work. This must be separated from the stereotypical "Capitalist" viewpoint, which is that money is the be-all-end-all-will-do-whatever-it-takes-and-screw-whoever. That's a bit more Machiavellian, if I'm identifying it correctly. If not, Machiavellians, don't get pissed off at me misrepresenting you; the exposure I've had I actually sympathise. (A book I saw was entitled "What Would Machiavelli Do?", and the last chapter was what he wouldn't do: Be a Jerk. It was rather amusing from what I saw of it, actually...) Huge corporations opressing people has nothing to do with capitalism; it has to do with human decisions. A corporation can be huge without it hurting people in third world countries or whatever; Capitalism has nothing to do with that. Capitalism doesn't mean you're immoral or anything like that, and a lot of socialists need to realise that. Communism has hurt more than Capitalism ever could, and, as a note, it couldn't even work in theory. In order for it to work in theory, people would have to be exactly equal. Which is stagnant and gives no incentive to excel or anything.

Capitalism will alway be there; it is the incentive to excel. It is the reward for your deeds. It is a fundamental part of human nature. People just tend to associate it with the bad things that giant businesses do and commercialism, which again is not Capitalism. Commercialism is inspired by Capitalism, which does not mean that Capitalism has a part in it. For a different example in a current events sort of way, all the terrorism stuff going on right now is inspired by Islam, but does not mean that Islam has a part in it. Just because some people share both of these views does not automatically mean the two are the same. They can be very different, even. Commercialism isn't even necessarily a bad thing either; it's how most people get their culture in Western Society. It's merely irritating sometimes.

I am a Capitalist. I am not a Commercialist.

I am Left-Wing. I am not a Socialist.

and in reference to one of the quotes the guy from before used, I am an atheist. I am also a moral person. You don't have to be religious in order to have a decent value system. And just because one is religious doesn't mean they have a decent value system as well. Remember what I said: just because two things are associated does not mean they are the same, or always together. Generalisations hurt us all. (gasp! that's a generalisation! agh!)

yeah.

scrabbled by james at 4:00 PM  
sigh.

I was writing something up in here and I meant to push control-right arrow to skip back a word, but pressed alt-right arrow and skipped back a page. so it's gone. sigh. so now I have to write an entry from scratch all over again. this is not a very comfortable keyboard. sigh.

that's three sighs so far.

listening to the songs on my computer. I wish I had a better computer. but I don't, so I have to make do. not due. I know my phrases.

I kind of think that maybe I'd like to change the layout on my page completely. but I don't know if I really want to go to the effort of figuring out all the suff and making it aesthetically pleasing and whatnot. because I need it to be a perfect representative of me. because I'm special. and phrases and moods are coming to my mind from other people's work and I want to have them for myself but I can't.

the smiths are coming to mind.

I like the smiths, but at the same time I can't stand them. I blame morrisey. he's a melodramatic idiot who at the same time isn't (?) to me.

yeah. and i've distracted myself and I have things to work on today that I don't really want to. sigh.

so I guess I should do them, though.

hm.

scrabbled by james at 9:35 PM  
okay, it worked.

scrabbled by james at 9:35 PM  
okay, my blog is screwed up right now... let's see if a new post will fix it.

scrabbled by james at 9:33 PM  
been getting a hold of zeina for the first time pretty much since the 20th over emails. and she seems to be taking things well. which is something I'm glad for. I don't want her feeling bad over me. so.

... and I lost my train of thought and am now unsure of what to put.




hm.

scrabbled by james at 9:17 PM  
day 3 at home.

I need to find more websites. I'm tired of going to the same ones over and over again.
sigh.

scrabbled by james at 1:26 AM  
day 2 at home.

went out today; got myself some little accessories to make my crazy little keyboard more fun. yee-haw!
and as I'm walking around town, I keep thinking to myself that perhaps I'll run into someone that I know, as I've gotten so used to it from at university. I have no time for myself because I'm always running into people. It's not an entirely bad thing not having any 'me'-time, but I do miss it sometimes. Right now I feel so odd and cut out. where are my friends, dammit?! sigh. I just feel like I don't really belong in this town. it's familiar, but alien.
alien.
alien.

shaved part of my head today; did the undercut. for anyone out there that's reading this that doesn't know me (yeah right... like anyone reads this) I've got long hair on top and short underneath. and a lot of stuff on my computer just died out of nowhere. so I think I'll save this post and restart my computer.

okay, did that; everything seems to be back now. and I don't know.

I feel like such a more important person in other people's lives now than I used to. I've been told by tash and other people that I hung around with in high school that people are wondering what I'm up to or where I've been or how to get a hold of me. It seems that people actually cared about my existence. Astounding. and now I actually have friends and I'm part of an active social circle where I'm involved, and it's amazing. and the back of my head feels so soft from being freshly shaven. rubbery.
and my being is crying out for these people, to have them touch me and love me and I feel so much like a movie or a story sometimes; and I feel like I'm hyperventilating with the extremities of emotion.

watched dazed and confused yesterday. part of the reason was that it was done by richard linklater, the guy who just did waking life. and behind all the drugs and drinking and whatnot, there's the one guy; I think his name's mike. tall, dark wavy hair. I'm never good with names. some of the things he says echo me so well. I don't want to live a sort of prelude to life; I want to live. I want to really live. and I feel like I'm exploding when I feel this way.

I need to escape the confines of myself and be truly free.

the hour's going to skip soon; I'm not sure which hour it is, but we're going to repeat it. I may very well have started this before I end it. I may very well write a novella for a post. I may very well go insane.

I may very well let people know I exist. why not?


I am so enamoured with myself.
and I like to think that I'm so poetic.
... I just don't know what to do with myself sometimes. and I'm wishing I did.

scrabbled by james at 1:36 AM  
hey there world.
I'm at home right now, listening to david bowie. heroes. SMIL rocks.

this has been an eventful week that I haven't been talking about, really. went downtown on monday, saw tash and then the trail of dead. good fucking show. the energy is astounding.

I can't really remember a lot of what else happened this week. hm.

I got this crazy old keyboard at value village on wednesday. my friend stephen saw it later and thought it was the coolest thing. we hooked it up to my guitar pedals and amplifier; it sounds amazing with that. throbbing industrial drums and piercing electronic sounds. it's so amazing. the general concensus is that it was the best two dollars I ever spent.

I can't think of anything right now.
been having bizarre dreams over the last while that have seemed real all the time. keep half-waking thinking I'm in one of my friend's rooms. residence has become my world and it can be so unearthly.
made a movie the other day for a class; I'm absorbed into the film. I am a movie sometimes, I swear. pretty funny, though the camera was screwing up. dv camera, it was pixelating the images badly.

took some photos the other day; double images are the most amazing thing. I took about half of my roll as them; they are so gorgeous. I wish I had a scanner or something. I'm so enamoured with myself sometimes.
(sometimes? hah!)

I wonder if anyone's read this yet?

scrabbled by james at 5:06 PM  
as I seem to like to start these, listening to the legendary pink dots right now, Under Triple Moons. The mood is right for me right now. was listening to some Throbbing Gristle that I found in the library earlier, 2nd annual report. I hadn't heard any of them, so I seized the opportunity when I saw it in the catalogue. so.

from earlier on paper:

Broke up with Zeina last night. She's not too happy about it.
I don't regret it and I can't say I'm sorry, but I wish it was easier. Easier for both of us.
I don't like being in this situation; it's full of bad feelings and resentment.

I can say that I'm sorry that it hurts, I'm sorry that it's going to go on. But I can't say that I'm sorry that we broke up. And I won't apologise for not saying it.
But this is what I need.

--------

So yeah. I have no idea what I'm going to do now. I'll find something, somehow, somewhere.
And something she said last night as it was happening is rather accurate. She said that for someone who says 'I don't know' so much I seem to be pretty sure of what I'm saying. Which is true. I am pretty sure of what I'm saying. I just don't know how to say it. I never know, and I don't think I'll ever be able to say what I mean easily and how I mean it. It's just difficult, sometimes.

Often.

scrabbled by james at 10:37 PM  
listening to Get Ready. This is an excellent fucking album. If you like New Order, buy this immediately.

everything about it is good. it has the sort of guitar tonality that I like, the vocals are very direct and not held back, the mixing is excellent, nothing is in an obnoxious place, the songs are great, and the guest appearances aren't distracting attempts to cash in on other people's fanbases (particularly Billy Corgan's; I know I know the other guy's name from somewhere but I can't remember); it's just a good album all around. it suits me so well. it is what I want entirely.


outside of all this I have no idea what I'm doing. I think I'm dragging things out and making them unpleasant, possibly. Sigh. I want to dance and scream vocals and this song is so good. I'm unsure of things but I want to flail. And this has essentially taken over from my previous paper copies, but I feel like I have to be more reserved in what I type.
I don't know; I don't know; I don't know. It's a common refrain for me. Harmonyharmonyharmonyharmonyharmony.


I'm dancing in my head and feeling splintered somewhat.

scrabbled by james at 3:18 AM  
just got back from seeing the toilet boys playing downtown. Saw Tash for the first time since August. it was good to see her again. I like being with her. I don't know; she makes me happy. I guess she's just a good person for me.

...
and I'm having difficulty thinking of what to write. I got their new CD at the show; listening to it now. the stupid seedy player is playing a sort of scratch mix. Also got the new New Order; haven't gotten a chance to listen to it again yet. I'm looking forward to that. It should be good. Getting ready (hah! it's a joke).

I'll be seeing her again over the next few days; we'll have more of a chance to talk then. I'm going downtown again on Monday for ... And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead; we're planning on meeting up at some point that day. It'll be good to see her for a longer period of time in a more personal setting. I kind of hope no one decides to come with me so I can talk to her more personally, perhaps. I don't know. I don't know what I want to do. She's a very good friend of mine.

and
   I
    don't
         know
             .

Sigh.

scrabbled by james at 11:35 PM  
I am going so crazy; the world is turned completely upside down. I have no idea what i'm doing anymore. Again. All I can do is swear at myself or listen to Iggy Pop really loud. I'm doing the latter. I'm probably disturbing people but I don't care. The Idiot. Always reminds me of Dostoevsky. I have to finish that book.

I really don't know what to do about my situation. Or rather, I probably know but I'm being a nuisance to myself and others about it. I can't get satisfied, and I expect if I try again elsewhere I won't succeed there either (which wouldn't stop me anyway). I don't know. I'm just so hectic inside that I need ventilation and can't find it well. I think that's my desire for Waking Life, and my desire for Iggy. I swear to god that Iggy Pop has some of the greatest songs ever written. I will never cease to be moved by the Passenger, no matter how many times it is commercialised. I remains one song I can never get sick of; it's just so fucking good and fits me so well. Iggy knew what he was doing. Iggy is one of the greatest people who has ever existed right now. No one can represent my mind better than him at the moment. Everything is so fucking passionate.


I swear a lot when I'm feeling something passionately.

I swear a lot when I'm feeling something passionately.

I swear a lot when I'm feeling something passionately.

...
and I guess I can't really convey myself much better than that.


.

scrabbled by james at 3:39 PM  
I want to see the movie waking life so badly.

I don't know. I just watch the trailer and something about it just gets right to the centre of me. I don't know. I'm in an odd headframe now. I can't really feel satisfied. and it's empty, maybe. I just... I want to do something or change something or make something or ... something. unsatisfied and longing and it's excruciating in a way.

I feel like I'm stagnating, somehow.

the screen of my computer is messed up. the colours are warped with a pinkish tone, and cyan as an afterthought. the colours and the style of waking life feel like my head. I need something. I need something.

friends can't help me as much as I hoped they could.

scrabbled by james at 7:57 AM  
I've had no sleep this past night. It's 7:30 in the morning. The sky was full of pinks and reds five minutes ago, but now it's faded bluely. I took photos.

As for my no sleep, that is due to a guest who was not supposed to be mine using it. I'm not irritated, though; I'm still not tired. As soon as I lie down though I'll probably crash. I'm having breakfast right now. Honey Nut Cheerios. My friend's guest's bus is coming at some point this morning; I wonder if the intended host will have any part in seeing her off? Hm.

I've pretty much spent the night on my computer because of that. Not that it was a long night; the night was called at around 4:30, and not that I was tired either. It's actually shining brightly through the windows now (or at least shining). mm.

Watched two movies last night; no wait, three. First, the majority of Evil Dead 2, which is a hilarious fucking thing. Second, Metropolis, which is one of the oldest films I can think of which I've seen, and is really cool. Third, Pi, which I just saw for the first time. It was rather interesting; then again, I am a geek for stories revolving around theory. Still, even besides my biases it was good. One of the things which I found made it really stand out is its differentiation from typical musical score, using all electronic scoring instead of orchestral. It had a very definite effect on the film, I thought. Holly's movie (the infamous guest who I met for the first time yesterday... she seems pretty cool though).

And now I'm out of milk. I suppose that's on my list for today.





list for today:

• buy milk
  
• get film developed
  
• read all the stuff I haven't read for my courses
  
• work on my essay
  
• work on my other essay's proposal
  
• see Zeina when she gets back (almost definitely will happen...)
  
• sleep later if I can
  
  oh yeah I just remembered another:
  
  
• return metropolis to the library
  

and I think that's it... we'll see, I suppose. we'll see.

scrabbled by james at 10:49 PM  
erg... what I was writing just got erased, thanks to my stupid window not automatically sizing to the right height. I had to pull down the bottom of my window in order to access my scrolling arrows, and that made the damn thing reload, and then people fell from the sky and jumped on my head, so I had to deal with them, and then my damn seedy player was refusing to play anything but the scratch mix of bjork (which I just went to put on a second ago). It still is, damnit. fuck.

hold on a second.







okay we're doing the "computer cd player thing" now. headphones. it's a good headphone album anyway. I have to be careful while I'm typing, though, because if I hit the keyboard too hard it skips on me. stupid piece of junk.

okay, I've just been gone for about twenty minutes. listening to radiohead now. idioteque. wanting to listen to electronic stuff around now. I'm thinking about seeing about getting into tricky somewhat. something.

earlier, in my original post-to-be, I was commenting on how absorbed I've been with my computer. downloading all sorts of programs and trying to figure out what they do, maybe. but it's loads of stuff and I'm not figuring any of it out. downloaded a demo version of cubase earlier and I have no idea how to make it work yet. I was looking about pro tools as well, for comparative sake, but never actually found a demo version. then again, I didn't look too hard. things. people. words. foodstuffs.

approaching having a working webpage. figuring out how to work the ftp program; next stop, a coherent mess to work with. hahahaI'msofunny. just rambling on. languages languages.

...

indirection.

scrabbled by james at 4:01 PM  
boy do I feel special. I have my own computator now, and my own connection to this crazy 'inter-net' thing, and so now I can lose all semblance of a life that I have developed and become a complete internet geek. it's a super high-tech computer, a pentium mmx 266 processor laptop guy (oh yeah! top of the line!) with 32 mb of ram (whoo! I'm burnin'!). actually, it's not that bad. could have been a 486. (or better still, our 386 or 286, the latter of which has no hard drive, but two 5 1/2 floppy drives. yes! super high speed!) but yeah. I've got a high-speed connection, so it's still moving along nicely for everything, pretty much. and not that I can afford anything that has to have better capabilities than this. games can be pretty fucking expensive sometimes. yeah. guess that's about it for now.

maybe there'll be more later. or more often. we'll see, I suppose.

scrabbled by james at 5:11 PM  
my roommate got a new computer yesterday. I swear that it is most definitely HAL 9000. It refuses to work or to allow us to fix it, claiming that all the problems could only be attributable to human error. 'This sort of thing has cropped up before, and has always been held to human error.' We tried to shut it down numerous times, but it kept thwarting our efforts, echoing 'I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Dave.' Finally it was thwarted by cutting off its power supply. We had to make sure that we covered our lips so that it couldn't read them. I swear that it's going to try to kill us at some point. We are all doomed, surely.

scrabbled by james at 12:48 AM  
today:

2001 a space oddessy is one of the freakiest movies I've ever seen
(daisy my darling give me your answer do)

I like my current resources at my disposal, in the form of SMIL, the Sound and Moving Images Library. Good times.

yesterday:

messages from zeina:
earlier:
        I've made a few later-realized-as-allusions to it
later:
        you're a blessing, not some bastard who'd put my heart in a blender

good times.

scrabbled by james at 8:20 PM  
Alrighty, so here ah am tryin' t' give some sort of update. And I think I'll stop with the terrible voice. So let's see, shall we?

Obviously I'm at university now. Frosh week was enjoyable; I stayed up until three pretty much every night (which was a very rare thing for me) just dancing around or hanging out with people. I get along with my roommate, which is always good. I've made more friends in a week than through all of high school. I have no food or money, which is not so enjoyable; I do have a meal plan, though, which I can guarantee will run out before I do. I have some sort of life now, which is always good. I have people to talk to and things I can do. I'm also seeing someone again, for the first time since february. Much more enjoyable situation than what I've had to deal with. Mm.

Zeina is her name. She's rather soft-spoken, but not at the same time. one thing that I think I particularly am fond of with her is that I think I can see a lot of the same understanding of the world in her head as in mine. A very rare thing for me. She seems very free at times. Playing on the swingset.

Went downtown today for essentially the first time since I got here. Been living solely on campus. It's a bit much to try and continue that incessantly. The crew was me and Tara, another girl I've met. As with all the people I'm meeting, essentially, she's in music (Zeina as well). I invited Tash to come but she couldn't make it. Headed over to Tower while I was there for their grand 'going out of business' sale. 40% off everything. Good deal. Picked up Black Market Music, Placebo; a version of the Rite of Spring, Stravinsky; the Wild Planet comp, Biscuits for Smut single, Helmet; and an Einsturzende Neubauten early live disc that I can't remember the name of. Haven't listened to that one yet. Also picked up the Exterminator! by Burroughs, because I like Burroughs. Adding it to my pile of books to read.

Started a new one last tuesday, actually, to commemorate the events in New York et al: The Plague, Albert Camus. It seemed appropriate from what I had read from it before. The whole fucking world's going to pieces, isn't it? Trying to sit here and isolate myself from the madness and rhetoric going around; I really don't want to know. It's all just such fucking shit.

Trying to live an ordinary life, so I apologise for any skimping and lightheartedness that may be interpreted as callousness. I'm sure you others understand. I'd like to just be happy and enjoy my new life here on my own, out of my town and into a world with better options. So I'm selfish, perhaps, or so I'm human, perhaps. Not that anyone is still reading this; Why should I apologise to no one? Geez. .... yeah.

scrabbled by james at 4:42 PM  
wow, this is my first time on the net in about three weeks almost. really out of date. heh.

university is so much better than my freaking little town, though. much more interesting, better people, things to do. rock on me.

will try and update more later.

scrabbled by james at 9:25 PM  
finally found something I've been looking for for ages. a film by man ray: l'etoile de mer. I think it's absolutely gorgeous. It's transferred well here, too; the usual real-media compression doesn't ffect the film too much. part of that may have something to do with the vaseline smeared on the lens of the camera; part of it may be just that this computer's better than I'm used to for real player. I like the film, though.

yeah. I've been trying to find it somewhere ever since I saw this man ray exhibit at the art gallery of ontario last fall. they had a few of his films showing in it, and this was one of my favorites. so I'm happy now. I know where I can see it if I want to watch it again. good.

about x more hours until I'm going. last night in my own bed. we're out of pepsi and it's driving me crazy. I want some blasted cola.

scrabbled by james at 2:40 AM  
it's two in the morning... officially my last day at home. about thirty hours and I'm getting out of here.


just sitting here, listening to low, reading backblogs of jen from ampersand. feeling very calm and peaceful and wishing I had someone I could be close to. It's the music, it's the mood, it's the time, it's the semi-drowsiness in the back of my head with my mind still working, it's the fact that I find her blogs amusing and-or touching. I've noticed that a-many of these don't remind me of me very much. I've been finding myself more obnoxious in those first few blogs than I actually find myself. Reminding myself more of my younger brother, ben, in them at times, actually. kidboy's only fifteen and acts it, but I've been getting better at dealing with him over the last while than I used to. I suppose it may have to do with the fact that he no longer actively tries to harass me in that impossibly juvenile way that siblings can do. fear of the older brother never came into play, however, as for a good chunk of time he was able to get away with shit and I couldn't do anything back without getting in trouble. because of that, he never grew to respect my authority; still doesn't too much but he's no longer above the law. so.

I'm hearing train whistles in my head. It's a peaceful sound to me, for some reason... I hope from my room I can hear some train in the distance if I have the window open... feeling wistful and a bit geeky right now like some sort of romantic fool or something. I don't know. I'm a dreamer, definitely. I dream of infinitely peaceful situations, moving, graceful, impossible, naive but it's because the world's been simplified type situations. I often wish that these types of situations could be real, but the world is just full of too many cruel and mean people and unfortunate situations that have to be taken care of in order to live for those of us who would like to live in a beautiful naiveté. sigh.

reading through the above listed blog page still (working chronologically up) and I'm kind of getting excited to almost reach my birthday. somehow I picture something fantastical would happen in here on it (really), but most likely it'll be just another day and I probably should go to bed. Been just repeating my three low songs over and over and over and the play count on them has gotten to about thirty plays each over the two weeks since I downloaded them. You can usually tell which of the songs I listen to because they're typically the ones with higher plays. just stick it on the one song or band or playlist and repeat repeat repeat. three is the magic number today.

and I finally got to the end and there's no post for me. sigh. she moved two days before so that's the end of it. I could be obsessive and check and see for the year before, but that would be too special for me. actually, the reason I was looking through her old archives was (in part) to try and find a link to some pictures that she had long ago that I found amusing. I think they used to be here, but I'm not too certain. Searching around from a link from there, and I've found them. yay! amusing little pictures. I think I'm going to flip through these and laugh at the silliness and then probably get off. I'm getting tired still (geez, it's almost three-oh-clock on the AM dial and I'm rearranging my acronyms) and it'll be good to go to bed with a smile on my face. so.

oh, those crazy toy animals. ah.

scrabbled by james at 12:34 AM  
DAMNIT they took out my hidden message. it was in comment tags and evidently they don't turn up. so for all two of you who care (no, wait... that implies that people are reading...), here's the hidden message:

    this is my fabulous hidden message. Boy I'm clever, using comment tags. I bet no one ever thought
    of that before. geez... I can't really guarantee that the ee cummings page I chose is necessarily the
    best one out there; it was merely a random selection from the links for him at yahoo. so... yeah. It
    has about fifteen or twenty poems on it, though... eh. you don't like the page, find a different one. I
    guess that's about it.

yippie.

scrabbled by james at 12:27 AM  
ooh! I made the recent postings list! YAY ME!!!

scrabbled by james at 12:26 AM  
just been wandering around (said I'd post again in twenty minutes, didn't I?). Reading some e.e. cummings, who has always been one of my favorite poets. I like the way he writes; it's very fantastical and wondrous like a carefree springtime fantasy. Reminds me very much of the Cure at times. It makes me happy reading his poems.

I remember the first time I read his work I though he was a woman, actually. I can't remember what poem it was, though. I think it was 'all in green my love went riding,' which is still one I like very much. Then I was reading something or heard something and they referred to him as a 'he,' so then I went 'oops...' and corrected myself. I still think that a lot of his poems sound like the narrator is a woman, though, which is definitely not the most common thing for a male poet to do. Eh, I enjoy them anyway.

Ooh, now I'm going to be tricky. Find the HIDDEN MESSAGE!!! whooo...



find the HIDDEN MESSAGE yet? It's not very exciting. Of course you didn't find it, though. First off, you don't care about my lousy hidden message; secondly, no one else but me is visiting this site. So there isn't anyone to find the hidden message. Yeah. I'm special and have nothing better to do. sigh.

scrabbled by james at 11:51 PM  
aries horoscope (an excerpt courtesy of a stupid hotmail subscription on a whim):

September Saturday, Aries!
You shouldn't have too many obstacles in
your path today. Things should really be
going pretty smoothly for you right now.

Yeah fucking right. I just spent two blasted hours trying to get my brother off the computer so I could use it. All tense and irritated by just sitting around, waiting, since I really didn't have anything else to do, nor was there anything else to do anyway. Siblings are a nuisance sometimes. Often. Erg.

listening to quiet music to try and calm me down. The three Low songs I downloaded off of their page, plus some other stuff. Breathe, James. Breathe. My chest has all tightened up and my eyes feel like they're bulging forwards.

Tash's birthday today. Happy Birthday Tash! Again, not that you're going to read this, particularly not in the near future or the fifteen minutes left of today while it's still your birthday. Ah well. I'll phone her over the next few days if I can geet a hold of her and find time from moving. She's at her father's today, so... yeah.

Ummm.... what else was I going to say. Two more days. Made a 'Leaving For University' CD of various songs I'll be leaving behind on this computer. There's really not a lot. It's an 80 minute disc and I only filled it with about sixty, half of those downloaded by me off of official pages (my preferred way to do it), and the other half by my brother through his blasted WinMX program that keeps screwing up the computer, not that he'd ever admit that he was the problem. Sigh.

So I guess that's it for now... I'll probably end up posting again within the next twenty minutes, though, because I'm oh so special and compulsive. christ. Jesus Christ walks into a bar, and falss to the ground cursing. No wait, inn. Hands the innkeeper three nails, and asks "Can you put me up for the night?" hahahai'msooooooowittyanddidn'ttakethatjokefromanywhereelseandit'sratherdifficulttokeepfromhittingspacebar. Personally I like my version better. Wheeeee...

scrabbled by james at 10:02 PM  
And whatever I do I can't get myself as one of the most recently published blogs. Sigh.

scrabbled by james at 10:01 PM  
nifty idea from the friend of the girl who's blog gave me the idea to do this. this guy's got his dates in french. ooh la la. I know. I'm special. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd easily amused. Don't forget that. Not that I'm going to do that now. Because that would be intellectual theft, in a way. Or not. Petty copying is the charge, and I would stand guilty. But I didn't commit the crime, so HAH! Now I need to find other things to amuse me. hm.


I really should be more consistent on my capitalisation. That's right, WITH AN S! No lousy Z for me! HAH!

God I find myself amusing. I'm a fucking riot.

scrabbled by james at 9:29 PM  
okay never mind... it's there now. I'll just shut up now and stop having conversations with myself.

scrabbled by james at 9:27 PM  
ARRRGH!!! I spent a good chunk of time on a post and now it won't publish!! ERRRRRR!!! And the 'publish' button that should be there won't be there. Mean thing.

scrabbled by james at 9:24 PM  
listening to the new new order single off their site... real audio. I'm not too big on streaming audio, but I like the song. I saw the video for it (it being Crystal) on the Wedge on Muchmusic last week. The video's not the greatest, but I think the song's good. Big on New Order and Joy Division. Excellent bands.

Saw an interesting movie last night. August 32 on Earth. Or, 32 aout sur la terre, if I'm remembering French well enough to translate. the director's from la belle provence. Again, I don't know if I'm getting the french right. It was a good movie though. As always, I missed the first fifteen or so minutes. I can never get those first few minutes. I have no idea why. Movies always start by the time I get to them. They must have something against me.

It's my friend's birthday tomorrow. So even though she's not going to read this (particularly since she doesn't even know it exists at the moment) HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW TASHA!!! I've been using all caps a lot today. I normally hate caps. I'm usually a 'proper case' kind of guy, but right now, eh. Whatever. Et cetera. and so forth.

And I can't think of much else to write right now. I still have no idea if anyone's visited this yet, or if I'm just babbling to cyberspace. I suppose I could see about getting one of those people-tracker things on here or whatever that I have no idea about in the slightest. Then I could see that, yes, I've visited my site one hundred times and one person stumbled on by accident and promptly left. Then I would be soooooooooooooo special. Oh yeah.

Yeah. I think this is going to become my new web addiction, posting on here incessantly every time I'm on the net. Because I'm developing a compulsive personality. Checking things over and over again. And I've decided that the normal Crystal radio edit is better than the remix radio edit. I've always preferred the normal (not moral) versions of songs over their remixes, with rare exceptions. So. Yeah. So that's my new novel for the day. I'll stop now.

scrabbled by james at 9:04 PM  
YAY IT WORKED!!! Okay, now let's go on.

scrabbled by james at 9:02 PM  
okay, I just changed my template with what I worked on... hopefully it'll work. I have no idea, given that I'm new to this. Let's try this and see....

scrabbled by james at 9:42 PM  
So yeah. I'm just sitting here, but I have nothing better to do, and I'm antsy. I'm feeling fidgety, and I want to do something here, so... I know it's only been maybe ten minutes tops, but I'm writing again because I can. I haven't altered the template for this yet, but I definitely want to. I really don't like the font too much, and everything's much too big. I'll be looking at the code for it in a bit offline and fixing it up into something I can deal with. So.

In the meantime... yeuch. And I'll just wonder if anyone's actually going to read this. So feel free to let me know if you have read it by mailing me and I'll feel all special as if someone acknowledged my existence. No, I don't get out much.

Yes, my tiny little town is dull and empty, and all my friends live elsewhere, pretty much. I'm gone come Monday, though, so let's hope things will be more interesting then.

scrabbled by james at 9:19 PM  
Hi... I've just screwed this up three times so far trying to get this first post. Don't I feel special.

I just decided to start this thing up after spending way too much time reading this girl's blog, so... yeah. I'm special. I find her interesting, though.

There's a ladybug flying around above me. I have no idea what the little guy's doing in here, but he's flittering around and doing a waltz with the chandelier. Yes, we have a chandelier. The roof is average height, though, so I end up walking into it all the time. Not a fancy chandelier, really, but hey. An ornate lighting fixture, if you must.

Yeah. I'm rather special. I like odd things and to talk about things that no one cares about. Tangents are fun, too. I like tangents. Yay tangents!

I'm moving out in about a week, actually. Next week I go to uni(ted ad)versity, and live in rez. Sorry about the affectation, everyone, but I came up with it earlier and I wanted to use it, despite it being idiotic. Now I won't go back and delete it, just to spite you. HA!

Yeah. I have waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much time on my hands.