scrabbled by james at 3:41 PM  
today is an off day.

my entire plan for today has been thrown off. I missed my class today (again), and I can't get into the freakin' studio in order to sign out a DV camera for one of my other classes, so I can't go shoot my footage for my assignment tonight like I had planned. upset me very much, as I don't know if I'm going to have any time to do this blasted thing. I'm running out of time for everything.

found a photo today. bizarre and run over and stepped on by people. I think it's from a construction site, but I can't really tell. also got back some photos of mine today. abstract photography and double exposures. listening to pj harvey. ... these are the better things that have happened today.

the contrast is what makes this an off day, and not a bad day. but now what?

scrabbled by james at 8:56 PM  
cola song:

No one likes to talk politics
No one likes to be wrong
everyone likes to have an opinion
no one likes to have an opinion

I need to get some liquid in me thirst sleep tired liquid

         quiet.

         quiet.

peace-full-ee-amity with a sort of flight of song

and always
   and always
       and always goes on

on&on&on&on&on&on&on&on&on&on&on&on
and on.

can you feel it too?
can you feel it too?

and I need to get more liquid inside me I need to get
        more liquid in side me

and the birds still sing and the birds still sing
        on closed circuit cameras
                     the birds still sing.


poot-teweet?

(and I need an acoustic guitar. a twelve-string acoustic guitar. I need an acoustic guitar. a twelve string
acoustic guitar. and I can be happy.)

(smiling, and I see a flower on my desktop.)

(and I need to ingest a whole case of cola.)

------
thank you.

scrabbled by james at 7:41 PM  
the last post fucked up something special earlier. got it fixed now, I think.

just finished dinner. wendy's, because nothing else really was available. I despise wendy's. the food is horrible and overpriced, and the people working there are completely incompetent and idiotic. I asked for some vinegar for my fries, the moron only gives me one package. What kind of idiot gives you only one package of a condiment when you ask for it? And when is only one package enough? I ask for more, he gives me one more package, repeating the same idiotic behaviour. I had to ask for another, he gives me one more, and a comment like, "if you want more than one, ask for more than one." Why doesn't he just give more than one? It's not like condiments are expensive, or that the amount used in a day should matter to him. Just an incompetent asshole.
I hate wendy's. ick.

went and saw pigface last night. they played with gravity kills and godhead, both of whom I wasn't really too interested in seeing. Pigface was great though. It started with this guy making a few noises in front of some screens with a tube with rice (I'm assuming) in it, a bowl with water, a bell, and some chimes of some sort. He hit the side of the bell and the bowl with something, and then ran it along its rim, causing it to ring out like a sort of feedback tone, and it was sooo cool. then Chris Connelly came out and played some stuff on an acoustic guitar, and it was very sixties hippy-ish. the lights dimmed, and electronic noises started, and then we got into pigface. It was such a good show. The vibe was so good it was so enjoyable. there was about nine people on stage most of the time, and you could tell they were enjoying it. Meg Lee Chin had a huge smile on her face throughout the majority of the performance, and it was a very intimate space, making it feel like we could be a part of the show, which the band was encouraging. I enjoyed it verily.

Went to the show with Tash, Cornell, and Lisa. Hadn't seen the latter two in quite a while, though the main reason I went was to see Tash, actually. She picked up my cure CD for me, so I feel special now. Haven't really listened to it too much yet. listened to the first disc in the background, but I haven't focused on the two new songs or listened to the acoustic versions yet. I was glad to get this. yay me! It was good to see Tash again; it's always good to see Tash again. I don't see her nearly as much anymore. hm. we met up shortly before and they all left before I did, so we didn't really get too much of a chance to talk though. they missed out on seeing the topless dancer, who I think was culled from the audience with her friends, and about a half-an-hour encore. Suck was played during this, which was a big hit, with practically everyione singing along. It is a good song, though. They played Supernaut as well, which was pretty cool. I don't know if anyone at the show was involved with the 1000 Homo DJ's project; Connelly or Atkins might have been, but I'm assuming that's where the idea to play it came from. good show. got back around three and found Bryanna, Sarina, and Roxanne watching Blow, so I watched what was left of that and ended up going to bed around 4:30-ish.

I should probably sleep more reasonably. eh.

and this feels like I've been rambling and it isn't going to reach any sort of conclusion. So I might as well stop.

scrabbled by james at 4:24 PM  
Results from Time Wasting Tests:
(note that these results are not necessarily representative of me, but are really just time-wasting tests....)
(not that that was necessary to put here)

I am 48% Metal-Head.

Most other metal-heads acknowledge my presence, but they laugh at me behind my back. Maybe I need to stop spending all that money on haircuts and invest in a few Pantera T-shirts.
Take the Metal-Head Test at Fuali.com!

I am 28% Raver.

Well, I have been to a rave. I probably know a bunch of ravers, but they may think of me as an outsider. That's okay, at least I am not a complete freak.
Take the RAVER Test at Fuali.com!

I am 53% Grunge.

I am pretty dirty, all right and, I reek of teen spirit... I would sell my own children for a moldy hotpocket, man.
Take the Grunge Test at Fuali.com!

I am 44% EMO.

Not quite EmoHmm.. i suggest I stopped listening to Dashboard Confessional.... enough said... Now that I stopped looking at my shoes, I know how the real world looks.
Take the EMO Test at Fuali.com!

I AM 56% GOTH.

Oh My Goth! You Goth, Girl. There is a good chance I am bi. Freakiness pumps through my viens, but I can still laugh at myself.
Take the GOTH Test at Fuali.com!

I AM 59% GEEK.

Nerd, Freak, Geek, Dweeb. Sound familiar? That's okay, cause I will be the richest person at my 15th year high-school reunion. If a "con" isn't happening that weekend.
Take the GEEK Test at Fuali.com!

I AM 17% PUNK.

It's not a fashion craze, or even a cool thing to do. I should just swallow it, get Lost, and take my friends with me.

Take the PUNK/POSER Test at Fuali.com!


this is special. I am apparently "so cool."

scrabbled by james at 9:46 PM  
okay, I've noticed that my little sayings have died with the republishing of my blog's archives. so, as a service to you all, I will list them here as best as I remember them:

August: it's my own little pet name for myself. yeah, I'm special. (or something similar, can't remember exactly.)
September: I'm fickle and have changed this description three or four times over the two days I've had this. (this one stayed up, so I know it's right.)
October: ...and then she's gone (she's gone). oh those crazy cbc programs! (again, or something similar.)
November: (hey, that's now!)making it my duty to change this evry month...

yesh.... I am special.

scrabbled by james at 9:35 PM  
just stuck the archives back up; all but november were missing...

and checking on my meter, I see that someone else visited. I feel so loved now.

yes, that's right; I am a complete geek and looooooooooser. 'looser?' no, it only has one 'o', dammit! 'loser', not 'looser'! geez!

yes, that was pointless.

been fiddling with reason and paint and such over the past few days, making weird noises and pictures and such. headed over to adobe earlier to see about possibly getting some spiffy art programs from there, and got myself a trial version of photoshop and a beta of atmosphere. it's a little intensive for my computer right now, so I probably won't be trying to figure out what it is until I get myself some more ram, which I plan on doing at some point in the foreseeable future. I need my blasted ram.
was looking around on the cure's page and am eagerly looking forward to trying to get the extra-disc version of the greatest hits, coming out tomorrow. Tash is going to pick up a copy for me when she gets hers, so ideally she'll be able to. I have faith in her, though. She's obsessive sometimes, and will let nothing stop her from getting a limited cure thing. she's got all sorts of neat ones, such as the standing on a beach tape with b-sides and the boys don't cry record with 'world war' and such. so. I look forwards to acquiring this cd.

ideally I'll be going to sleep earlier tonight so that I can get up before my class tomorrow. I would like to not miss it two weeks in a row. It would be a good thing if I knew what we were doing in it. so.

and I don't know. just sputtering out mindlessness right now. so.

mindlessnessessmesslesssesstessgestjestfesthestmestnestnesseseess.

and some gibberish for good measure.

scrabbled by james at 10:31 PM  
okay, let's see... I just added a little meter onto this page so I can see if anyone else ever visits...
yee hah I'm cool.

scrabbled by james at 2:30 AM  
ev'ry one went to sleep on me.

well, not ev'ry one. some people are down in the pubs. but I left them for a while with people, and when people went to sleep, I went back to visit Those Who Stayed Behind, and felt out of place as ev'ryone was now rather drunk and I didn't have any continuity to make it more appealing to be around.
so.

and I am sitting in my room listening to radiohead. and I feel like I want something but I don't know what (not that old refrain!). I'm always in a search for an intangible something, ethereal and intransient. I wish I knew what I wanted and I wish I could find it.

I've missed a week of class now; I haven't been to one since last Thursday. I should make sure I get to mine tomorrow. I still haven't seen waking life; I would like to see it. I'd like to see mulholland drive as well. David Lynch is one of my favorite directors, easily. Bryan is borrowing my copy of Eraserhead at the moment.

... maybe more in a bit. I'm currently encompassed in a game for the latter of the two linked movies.

scrabbled by james at 3:48 AM  
okay, now at least one other person knows of this site and plans to visit it at least once, I think. Stephen came in while I was working on it earlier and wanted the address so he could read my silly little mind, so I gave it to him.

isn't that special.

and I should sleep, probably.

scrabbled by james at 6:48 PM  
was walking around earlier and heard Mack the Knife coming from a store, Ella Fitzgerald version. Made me happy; everything's got weird connections sometimes.

I'm perpetually tired with sleepiness. sleeeeeeeep. must needs to with tiredness. logical sentencingness with words of letters.

Listening to throbbing gristle at the moment. It's pretty special with weird noisesness and silliness. and other stuff.

....
...a n d m y s l e e p i n e s s i s m a k i n g i t d i f f i c u l t t o t h i n k o f w h a t t o w r i t e . i w o u l d l i k e t o g o t o s l e e p b u t n o t r e a l l y a t t h e s a m e t i m e s o i ' m m a k i n g i t d i f f i c u l t f o r m y s e l f a n y w a y . a n d i d o n ' t k n o w i f t h a t s e n t e n c e m a d e a n y s e n s e .

and that's a bit difficult to look at.
hrm.

scrabbled by james at 6:20 PM  
I love the song Mack the Knife. It's just such a cool song. I have about ten different versions of it right now. It's fun and crazy and mackie's got a jack-knife and the shark's got big sharp white teeth but macheath can keep the blood off better.

Kurt Weill is pretty cool. I should hear some more of his stuff than the few songs I've heard. He has a very unique style and I like it.

I slept pretty much the better part of the day today. I was up until after 4 in the morning the past two nights, but I don't blame that. I blame my general lack of sleep overall, combined with a lack of incentive to get up for my not-so-interesting class today. This is just the first time I've missed a class, so I don't feel too bad or anything. I really should do more of my readings, though. Eh.
sigh.

I need to focus more, but this is the first time I've had a social life and so now I don't seem to balance them very well. But I don't know. I don't think knowledge is going to keep me back from how it is right now. Even when I'm not engaged socially, it still doesn't mean that I'm working. So. yeah.
I probably would work better if I didn't always feel tired in some part of my brain.
Eh.
What do you do? I'm contemplating food, actually. It's around six-ish so it'd probably be a good idea to have dinner at some point soon. I don't know what I would like though. Hm. I should clean out my room and wash my dishes and such, but see above for homework excuse. combine with fact I can just buy food on campus instead of making it myself. I would like to sleeeeeeeeep. But not really.

There's a free pancake breakfast in one of the floor don's rooms tomorrow. I don't want to sleep through that. I like pancakes. mmm. pancakes. i haven't had a hot breakfast since I made a mangled attempt at french toast last week (? I don't really remember... was it that recently? anyway, for a decent hot breakfast it's been probably over a month or so...). I would like to have hot breakfasts more often. Hot breakfasts are yummy things that I enjoy.

I need more sleep. At some point some of my friends and I are planning on trying to see how long we can stay up straight and document ourselves going insane. It should be fun. Whee!

hungry and tired and not wanting to work on anything or really do too much otherwise. things. stuff. and such.


monkeys?