scrabbled by james at 5:11 PM  
my roommate got a new computer yesterday. I swear that it is most definitely HAL 9000. It refuses to work or to allow us to fix it, claiming that all the problems could only be attributable to human error. 'This sort of thing has cropped up before, and has always been held to human error.' We tried to shut it down numerous times, but it kept thwarting our efforts, echoing 'I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Dave.' Finally it was thwarted by cutting off its power supply. We had to make sure that we covered our lips so that it couldn't read them. I swear that it's going to try to kill us at some point. We are all doomed, surely.

scrabbled by james at 12:48 AM  
today:

2001 a space oddessy is one of the freakiest movies I've ever seen
(daisy my darling give me your answer do)

I like my current resources at my disposal, in the form of SMIL, the Sound and Moving Images Library. Good times.

yesterday:

messages from zeina:
earlier:
        I've made a few later-realized-as-allusions to it
later:
        you're a blessing, not some bastard who'd put my heart in a blender

good times.

scrabbled by james at 8:20 PM  
Alrighty, so here ah am tryin' t' give some sort of update. And I think I'll stop with the terrible voice. So let's see, shall we?

Obviously I'm at university now. Frosh week was enjoyable; I stayed up until three pretty much every night (which was a very rare thing for me) just dancing around or hanging out with people. I get along with my roommate, which is always good. I've made more friends in a week than through all of high school. I have no food or money, which is not so enjoyable; I do have a meal plan, though, which I can guarantee will run out before I do. I have some sort of life now, which is always good. I have people to talk to and things I can do. I'm also seeing someone again, for the first time since february. Much more enjoyable situation than what I've had to deal with. Mm.

Zeina is her name. She's rather soft-spoken, but not at the same time. one thing that I think I particularly am fond of with her is that I think I can see a lot of the same understanding of the world in her head as in mine. A very rare thing for me. She seems very free at times. Playing on the swingset.

Went downtown today for essentially the first time since I got here. Been living solely on campus. It's a bit much to try and continue that incessantly. The crew was me and Tara, another girl I've met. As with all the people I'm meeting, essentially, she's in music (Zeina as well). I invited Tash to come but she couldn't make it. Headed over to Tower while I was there for their grand 'going out of business' sale. 40% off everything. Good deal. Picked up Black Market Music, Placebo; a version of the Rite of Spring, Stravinsky; the Wild Planet comp, Biscuits for Smut single, Helmet; and an Einsturzende Neubauten early live disc that I can't remember the name of. Haven't listened to that one yet. Also picked up the Exterminator! by Burroughs, because I like Burroughs. Adding it to my pile of books to read.

Started a new one last tuesday, actually, to commemorate the events in New York et al: The Plague, Albert Camus. It seemed appropriate from what I had read from it before. The whole fucking world's going to pieces, isn't it? Trying to sit here and isolate myself from the madness and rhetoric going around; I really don't want to know. It's all just such fucking shit.

Trying to live an ordinary life, so I apologise for any skimping and lightheartedness that may be interpreted as callousness. I'm sure you others understand. I'd like to just be happy and enjoy my new life here on my own, out of my town and into a world with better options. So I'm selfish, perhaps, or so I'm human, perhaps. Not that anyone is still reading this; Why should I apologise to no one? Geez. .... yeah.

scrabbled by james at 4:42 PM  
wow, this is my first time on the net in about three weeks almost. really out of date. heh.

university is so much better than my freaking little town, though. much more interesting, better people, things to do. rock on me.

will try and update more later.

scrabbled by james at 9:25 PM  
finally found something I've been looking for for ages. a film by man ray: l'etoile de mer. I think it's absolutely gorgeous. It's transferred well here, too; the usual real-media compression doesn't ffect the film too much. part of that may have something to do with the vaseline smeared on the lens of the camera; part of it may be just that this computer's better than I'm used to for real player. I like the film, though.

yeah. I've been trying to find it somewhere ever since I saw this man ray exhibit at the art gallery of ontario last fall. they had a few of his films showing in it, and this was one of my favorites. so I'm happy now. I know where I can see it if I want to watch it again. good.

about x more hours until I'm going. last night in my own bed. we're out of pepsi and it's driving me crazy. I want some blasted cola.

scrabbled by james at 2:40 AM  
it's two in the morning... officially my last day at home. about thirty hours and I'm getting out of here.


just sitting here, listening to low, reading backblogs of jen from ampersand. feeling very calm and peaceful and wishing I had someone I could be close to. It's the music, it's the mood, it's the time, it's the semi-drowsiness in the back of my head with my mind still working, it's the fact that I find her blogs amusing and-or touching. I've noticed that a-many of these don't remind me of me very much. I've been finding myself more obnoxious in those first few blogs than I actually find myself. Reminding myself more of my younger brother, ben, in them at times, actually. kidboy's only fifteen and acts it, but I've been getting better at dealing with him over the last while than I used to. I suppose it may have to do with the fact that he no longer actively tries to harass me in that impossibly juvenile way that siblings can do. fear of the older brother never came into play, however, as for a good chunk of time he was able to get away with shit and I couldn't do anything back without getting in trouble. because of that, he never grew to respect my authority; still doesn't too much but he's no longer above the law. so.

I'm hearing train whistles in my head. It's a peaceful sound to me, for some reason... I hope from my room I can hear some train in the distance if I have the window open... feeling wistful and a bit geeky right now like some sort of romantic fool or something. I don't know. I'm a dreamer, definitely. I dream of infinitely peaceful situations, moving, graceful, impossible, naive but it's because the world's been simplified type situations. I often wish that these types of situations could be real, but the world is just full of too many cruel and mean people and unfortunate situations that have to be taken care of in order to live for those of us who would like to live in a beautiful naiveté. sigh.

reading through the above listed blog page still (working chronologically up) and I'm kind of getting excited to almost reach my birthday. somehow I picture something fantastical would happen in here on it (really), but most likely it'll be just another day and I probably should go to bed. Been just repeating my three low songs over and over and over and the play count on them has gotten to about thirty plays each over the two weeks since I downloaded them. You can usually tell which of the songs I listen to because they're typically the ones with higher plays. just stick it on the one song or band or playlist and repeat repeat repeat. three is the magic number today.

and I finally got to the end and there's no post for me. sigh. she moved two days before so that's the end of it. I could be obsessive and check and see for the year before, but that would be too special for me. actually, the reason I was looking through her old archives was (in part) to try and find a link to some pictures that she had long ago that I found amusing. I think they used to be here, but I'm not too certain. Searching around from a link from there, and I've found them. yay! amusing little pictures. I think I'm going to flip through these and laugh at the silliness and then probably get off. I'm getting tired still (geez, it's almost three-oh-clock on the AM dial and I'm rearranging my acronyms) and it'll be good to go to bed with a smile on my face. so.

oh, those crazy toy animals. ah.

scrabbled by james at 12:34 AM  
DAMNIT they took out my hidden message. it was in comment tags and evidently they don't turn up. so for all two of you who care (no, wait... that implies that people are reading...), here's the hidden message:

    this is my fabulous hidden message. Boy I'm clever, using comment tags. I bet no one ever thought
    of that before. geez... I can't really guarantee that the ee cummings page I chose is necessarily the
    best one out there; it was merely a random selection from the links for him at yahoo. so... yeah. It
    has about fifteen or twenty poems on it, though... eh. you don't like the page, find a different one. I
    guess that's about it.

yippie.

scrabbled by james at 12:27 AM  
ooh! I made the recent postings list! YAY ME!!!

scrabbled by james at 12:26 AM  
just been wandering around (said I'd post again in twenty minutes, didn't I?). Reading some e.e. cummings, who has always been one of my favorite poets. I like the way he writes; it's very fantastical and wondrous like a carefree springtime fantasy. Reminds me very much of the Cure at times. It makes me happy reading his poems.

I remember the first time I read his work I though he was a woman, actually. I can't remember what poem it was, though. I think it was 'all in green my love went riding,' which is still one I like very much. Then I was reading something or heard something and they referred to him as a 'he,' so then I went 'oops...' and corrected myself. I still think that a lot of his poems sound like the narrator is a woman, though, which is definitely not the most common thing for a male poet to do. Eh, I enjoy them anyway.

Ooh, now I'm going to be tricky. Find the HIDDEN MESSAGE!!! whooo...



find the HIDDEN MESSAGE yet? It's not very exciting. Of course you didn't find it, though. First off, you don't care about my lousy hidden message; secondly, no one else but me is visiting this site. So there isn't anyone to find the hidden message. Yeah. I'm special and have nothing better to do. sigh.

scrabbled by james at 11:51 PM  
aries horoscope (an excerpt courtesy of a stupid hotmail subscription on a whim):

September Saturday, Aries!
You shouldn't have too many obstacles in
your path today. Things should really be
going pretty smoothly for you right now.

Yeah fucking right. I just spent two blasted hours trying to get my brother off the computer so I could use it. All tense and irritated by just sitting around, waiting, since I really didn't have anything else to do, nor was there anything else to do anyway. Siblings are a nuisance sometimes. Often. Erg.

listening to quiet music to try and calm me down. The three Low songs I downloaded off of their page, plus some other stuff. Breathe, James. Breathe. My chest has all tightened up and my eyes feel like they're bulging forwards.

Tash's birthday today. Happy Birthday Tash! Again, not that you're going to read this, particularly not in the near future or the fifteen minutes left of today while it's still your birthday. Ah well. I'll phone her over the next few days if I can geet a hold of her and find time from moving. She's at her father's today, so... yeah.

Ummm.... what else was I going to say. Two more days. Made a 'Leaving For University' CD of various songs I'll be leaving behind on this computer. There's really not a lot. It's an 80 minute disc and I only filled it with about sixty, half of those downloaded by me off of official pages (my preferred way to do it), and the other half by my brother through his blasted WinMX program that keeps screwing up the computer, not that he'd ever admit that he was the problem. Sigh.

So I guess that's it for now... I'll probably end up posting again within the next twenty minutes, though, because I'm oh so special and compulsive. christ. Jesus Christ walks into a bar, and falss to the ground cursing. No wait, inn. Hands the innkeeper three nails, and asks "Can you put me up for the night?" hahahai'msooooooowittyanddidn'ttakethatjokefromanywhereelseandit'sratherdifficulttokeepfromhittingspacebar. Personally I like my version better. Wheeeee...