scrabbled by james at 1:44 AM  
ah, the current no outlet is amusing.

I probably read too many web comics.

scrabbled by james at 10:20 PM  
I am making a new word.
I have the word; I just don't have the definition.
the word is:
alimenopy.

any suggestions?
put them in the comments thing.

scrabbled by james at 10:07 PM  
I am eating an apple.
my friend scoffed at this, and spat in the proverbial eye of my apple.
the apple of my apple's eye, perhaps.

fruit is on my mind this evening.

scrabbled by james at 9:49 PM  
listening to idlewild.
never listened to them before, but grabbed them on a whim from my brother's collection. there was a picture in the booklet I liked (plus on this journal which I have been reading over the past few days it says 'idlewild' up at the top, so the word was on my mind...)
yeah

it's interesting. it doesn't really sound like anything too special, but at the same time, there's something about it.
so...

I don't know. something.





I saw a mango riding a bus one time. no idea where it was headed.

I guess even mangoes need to travel.






there are other fragmentary things in my head that don't want to coalesce. hrm.
later for them, perhaps.

scrabbled by james at 12:16 AM  
hooooooo!!!!

people need to just shout more.
not yell, shout.



I need to just shout more, it's difficult, but I'm trying.
last night I danced for an hour in a park, beautiful midnight. I bounced myself off of a fence and it was wonderful like a sort of flight. I shouted out twice during that time, though I wanted to more.

I want to just holler out some noise and sustain it.
I need more practise.





I want this wonderful weather to continue. I want to run around and on top of things and just jump and fly.

stockhausen on winamp; kontakte.
part of my mind has been wanted to listen to trail of dead for a while, but I haven't put them on.
jumping and dancing; I need to get some dancing shoes, more agile than my boots. jazz sneakers, perhaps? I know someone with some, and they look marvellous; I'd like to try some.

I sincerely think that I may take a dance class at some point; maybe as one of my electives perhaps.
mmm. that could be interesting.

scrabbled by james at 11:33 PM  
this is the funniest diesel sweeties comic I've read in a long time.

scrabbled by james at 10:13 PM  
mmmmmmmmmmm
my mind is messed lately.
been rather unsatisfied with things, though I have no idea what exactly. blerg.

fiona apple singing behind me. fits in with my mindframe in my weird way, in a strangely similar way to the drastically different music of sonic youth circa 1983. in a similar way to my desire to walk around in the moonlit sky outside dark warm air illuminating waxing gibbous-nearly-full moon. La Luna shining brightly. in a similar way to me wanting to talk to one of my friends about nothing in particular but just for the sake of rambles between mindframes. in a similar way to me wanting to see another of my friends who I haven't seen since december, just hang around and ramble and do anything at all.

in a similar way to wanting to climb ontop of a rooftop and running around and jumping and hoping somewhat in the side of my mind that the roof will cave in on one of my landings. in a similar way to my incessant desire to fly.

god. that's everything.
I want to fly.

dancing is the earth-bound equivalent of flying. my bones and limbs are stiff; I need to shake everything out and flail away.

flinging my arms around, whirling.

scrabbled by james at 9:40 PM  
steve reich on my computer. piano phase.
pianopianopianopiano repeating piano notes over and over. aimless thoughts in my head.

scrabbled by james at 9:27 PM  
I haven't really been outside in a few days.

I like being outside. going outside is one of the few things that keeps me sane around here.



I can feel myself being cramped up in here right now, and it's a bit unnerving, I suppose. not unnerving; something else. not disconcerting.... what's coming to my head is 'alienating'. a bit alienating? alienating me from the world, perhaps. no, not alienating me from the world. alienating me from fresh air; alienating me from a wider landscape than my house.
that may be it.

so now, I resolve myself to getting out of the house at some point tomorrow. fresh air, a wider landscape.
get the hell away from here.

scrabbled by james at 1:05 AM  
whooo.......
getting off in just a moment....
but I almost have bjork's pagan poetry video on my computer now...
gah it's a wonderful video
beautiful

right up there with bachelorette (which I already have)...

and it's done!
yay for the wonder that is bjork!

scrabbled by james at 12:38 AM  
if you haven't read it yet, cat and girl has some very good things to say.

this one, for instance, is a pretty good summation of my opinion of one of the two major groups in my town. (the 'punk/metal group'. the other major group is the 'white boys who think they're down with it'. jeesh.)

perhaps more in a bit; I've been all-writey today. (it's a pun, kind of. heh.)

scrabbled by james at 4:14 AM  
eeeeeeeee happy good stuff at this four in the morning.

sonic youth is going to be playing toronto august fifteenth.


eeeeeee I can't wait.

scrabbled by james at 2:11 AM  
pj harvey just got cooler than ever with me finding this pic.

of course, she was already cool, so...



on an unrelated note, I've actually updated my site for the first time in a few weeks. I feel sooo special.

and my mind wants me to write in here, but I don't have much to say at the moment, nothing floating around in my mind right now. shucks.

really, I blame this spacing in updating in my two journals on the fact that I have easier access to writing on paper than on the internet right now. I've had so much written that way because it's been more convenient.... (that stuff can all be found here if you're interested... I reccommend being interested; I personally think that stuff's better than this.... this is too unfocused for me at the moment. damn my mind for not behaving how I want it to at all times. heh.)

and now I feel like I was going somewhere in my head, though I wasn't really. pretend games in there. eh.

scrabbled by james at 11:14 PM  
la la lala
home again.
homifying.
listening to the sonic youth, hearing about a kool thing. looking at about seven webpages at once in one browser window (I love tabbed browsing. mrah!) and talking with a friend a la the icy queue.
reading a diary-x journal I've been meaning to go through for a while, but never got around to... devotchka. a clockwork girl who likes music I like. writes well as well.
I can't remember my droogish slang too much so I can't write what I would like immediately. mrmm.

on a completely unrelated note, this has to be one of my favourite searches on google I'm linked in.
wooj. ah, that's amusing. silly people.

scrabbled by james at 7:51 PM  

I want to say so much that sometimes the only way I could get it all out would be just to scream.
A wild, unintelligible scream.

Boy, I must really have problems to feel that need. ... Or do I?

I have this feeling all the time. this feeling, for me, is very very natural. this is a very pure and exact thing. what this is is just... desire. life.

this is why I listen to music so much. music is one of the only times that this sort of thing seems to be deemed permissable, and as much as I'd like to be able to just go and scream any time I want just for the sake of just releasing this sound, I can't.
I just want to scream all the time, and it's not from angst; it's not from sorrow; it's just something that so very there that I can't describe it any other way.


I feel a bit odd typing this at the moment. I'm currently visiting friends at university who I haven't seen in about a month, using one of their computers. bryanna's, specifically. everybody else is having nap-time right now, and I need something to keep me occupied here, because I'm restricted in what I can do by this not being my place and me not having keys to allow me to wander freely in and out of the building. it's a bit of an odd sensation.

I lived on this campus for eight months, and now, I come back for a visit and it feels so bizarre and off to me. so.
what then?




yeah.

scrabbled by james at 11:16 PM  
I've been working on this idea some more; I'm still working things out for it. god, it's a great thing deciding these things. things are coming into focus. focus is useful.

and I have a comment down there from joey saying to count him in. well, the thing is, is that I already had, actually. experiment 1 is exactly what I'm talking about. it's like a guidebook for this process, which is wonderful.


... and I don't know if I'm being too coherent at the moment. I'm trying to watch the matrix while I'm typing this up, so everything is distracting me all at once. I must stop.

grah.

scrabbled by james at 11:25 PM  
okay:

this is my declaration on everything. this is what I want from everything; this is my purpose in what I am trying to achieve. in my writing, in my music, in my art, in everything I surround myself with, in everything I do.
I am trying to make something perfect.

I am trying to make a perfect world for myself, somewhere I can just turn around and gaze at everything and just marvel at it. I want to surround myself with beauty; not merely aesthetic beauty; intellectually aesthetic beauty. I want things that are beautiful for the way that they stimulate my mind. I want to encapsule myself in a world of this. this is why I write, this is why I paint. this is why I do everything.

this is why I jump on top of garbage cans when they are in my path, so I can sit above real reality and try and be in the reality inside of that (steal phrasing from liner notes now, sonicyouthdaydreamnation); so I can jump off of them and get that high of being alive. this is why I dance and dance with everything I have. this is why I thrash away on my guitar. this is why my painting is a performance in itself, I make an act of out it, throwing myself into the canvas, dancing with the paint on my brush palette knife fingers whatever.

I have decided something. I have decided that I am a sonic youth. I am a person who just emanates with such life that the air around me vibrates and creates music. this is a very difficult thing to do. sonic youth was made up of sonic youths; they're older now though. joy division was made of sonic youths. and now, in music today, the sonic youths that I know of are those in and you will know us by the trail of dead.



the other day I was talking to a girl and mentioned that I liked photography; in particular I do colour photography. she said she prefers black and white. I don't really know why so many people prefer it to colour, why people tend to view it as 'more artistic'. perhaps it is because I view myself as a painter first. I love colour; I love the way it interplays and contrasts. with colour you can just get such vibrancies and amazing things that are more real than real reality; they're inside that reality on a super-real level.



I've decided now, just now, based on that last sentence. I know where I fit in; I know what my style is. I am a superrealist. this is my manifesto. superreality: the process of getting inside real reality and finding the core essence, the exact thing that makes it so absolutely glorious and perfect. I want to immerse myself in this superreality; I want it to be everything.

my god. my god. this is almost enough to make me cry at the wonder of it.
I am starting a new movement.

scrabbled by james at 1:53 AM  
mrmm

went to a concert the other day; my brother's band was playing so I took pictures for him. wasn't too bad a show; some of the other bands playing were crap but a few of them weren't bad.

something I liked was that I got to dance.
dancing rocks. I dance every chance I get. and it doesn't even take much; you just have to go with the music; follow where it puts in the accents. it's so much fun. my only problem is that I dance completely and don't restrain myself; if I haven't eaten in a while I get a pain in my stomach from overexerting, which I usually remedy by drinking water. though at a club or wherever, it's fucking expensive (grr...).
god I danced so much though. only for two bands, each of which had about ... maybe a bit more than half an hour, but by the end of the second one I was ready to fall over. my legs were giving out on me. I had to stop before they were finished, actually, on that basis. which I was a bit disappointed I had to do, but eh.

part of the reason I was disappointed was because, as silly as it sounds, I had a fan club. and seriously. I was the only person dancing, but during the second band I had a circle of people standing around me watching. someone shouted "don't stop!" at one point. probably about five or six people complemented me on my dancing afterwards.
I like dancing. I think more people should dance. (though at the same time, I don't, for two reasons...

the first reason I don't think a lot of people should dance is that there are a lot of terrible dancers. it can be fricken irritating to have to deal with them, especially since a lot of them take up more room than is necessary or considerate.

the second reason I don't think more people should dance is not going to be put in. because I don't feel like writing really too much at the moment. I just stopped feeling like it, all of a sudden. so too bad.)

yeah.

scrabbled by james at 8:44 PM  
I'm also number 31 out of "about 41" (I like how it's always "about x" no matter how specific it gets) for "snarble".

mmm. snarble.

scrabbled by james at 8:38 PM  
okay, this is the funniest thing ever, in my opinion.
this site is the number one entry in google for the search "fucking quotation". I find that so hilarious.

I'm number one! oh yeah!




but on the side of that, who is looking up "fucking quotation"? and what sort of thing are they expecting?
I'm boggled.

scrabbled by james at 12:33 AM  
oh, and there's a forum now for all this spiffy stuff of mine (and others)

go here and register. for my stuff, go into big name on page.

post away!

scrabbled by james at 12:28 AM  
rarg.
trying to work out things for meeting up with people at york tomorrow, but I can't get a hold of anyone... bah to that, I say. a big fat bah.

I feel like I haven't written in here in ages. I feel like I've been doing things non-stop. I feel hectic and a bit harried. that word doesn't look right but I can't think of a different possibility for its spelling.

something something. blerg.


... this is a great quote, I think:

Capitalism cannot defeat me!

(It just makes me sleepy.)

I was amused. taken from here; joey's writing amuses me very much in all the great things he has to say. so.

this week seems to be a very long one. it's only wednesday (technically thursday) but it seems to be almost over to me. I feel like I've been going non-stop and rushing around and hurried and hectic. I something something something words words words. why can't I get a hold of people when I need to? jeez.

I missed a concert yesterday which I would have liked to go to (the cranes) which I mentioned in my other journal; I neglected to mention that I missed a concert a few days ago that I would have liked to have gone to as well. nick cave played on the 27th, and nick cave is great. I had been saying for a while that I wanted to go, then I forgot about it, then remembered at about 7 on the day of the show. at that point I wasn't too bothered, but the next day or so I saw an article on it and was kind of going "man... I should have gone". ah well. something something.

hrm. if I can't get a hold of people, will I go or not? mystery to be decided. razzafrazzin'...